Thin vs. Healthy

I often find myself torn between a strong desire to be thinner, but also wanting to portray a positive body image for my two daughters. I know that health should be my main motivation to exercise and eat nutritious food, and though my health is a big motivator, honestly it's not the biggest. I REALLY want to be a size 6 (or smaller!).

I recently read an article that clothing manufacturers are sizing clothes differently now than they used to even 20 years ago. Apparently a size 10 today used to be a size 14 back in the day. This does NOT make me feel better!

Once upon a time when I was a size 6, I was complaining about my stomach fat and some well-meaning friends said "but you've had a baby, you have an excuse". Um, no, I don't. Plenty of people have children AND flat stomaches. The question is: how?!

I feel bad for wanting to be thin, and I wonder how my dieting is affecting my girls. Sometimes I catch myself complaining about my weight, and I know I would not want to hear that kind of talk from Issy or Emmy. I shudder when I think about the diet pills I have been on, and the ones that are still in the cabinet leftover from my last prescription. I would hate it if my girls ever thought about doing that to themselves, and yet here I am doing it to myself.